|
| I guess I have high expectations, generally speaking. I expect a lot of myself, and I expect a lot of other people. I expect people in my life to be honest and true to their word. I expect people in my life to make an effort. I expect people in my life to give a damn. I get hurt when that doesn't happen.
Is it possible to shut down your feelings so as not to get hurt? Is it possible to realize when someone in your life shows a pattern of letting you down, and then not let them? To stop getting your hopes up, so as to avoid disappointment?
I don't know. For me doing this would make me less human, less of who I really am. I have feelings and they sometimes get hurt. I let them get hurt. I see it coming and yet it still hurts.
I have hope, and I can't let go of it. But hope is a good thing, isn't it? Sometimes it's the only thing. It's what makes life bearable some days. And truly unbearable other days.
Today was a little bit of both. | | |
| We took J out in the sling this aft to see "Bend It Like Beckham", which was a great film! I love sweet fun British movies with happy endings. *sigh*
And about 3/4 of the way through, the film broke - you know like you always see it happen in movies or on tv, and the film gets jammed and then melts in front of the projector's bulb, well it actually happened just that way - it took about 10 minutes or so to fix and on the way out they handed everyone a free pass, so sometime in the next 3 months we'll see another one for free. woohoo!
I've just started reading a new book, not a YA but an honest-to-goodness grown-up book. I's called "My Lover's Lover" by Maggie O'Farrell. This is her 2nd book - her first, "After You'd Gone", was simply wonderful, so I am looking forward to getting into this one.
This entry seems so shallow and unimportant. I've lots of other stuff to write about, but deep thinking after 10pm hurts my brain.... | | |
| I've been checking out the "young adult" shelves at the library recently, spurred on by a great book called "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" by Ann Brashares. It's a little embarassing, me a nearly-30 year old woman checking out books with TEEN emblazoned on the spine [I imagine the librarians wondering, "is she a below-average reader?" or "what is she trying to prove?"] but so far it hasn't stopped me and I'm glad.
Besides "Traveling Pants" I've read "Stargirl" by Jerry Spinelli and three books by Francesca Lia Block, including an outstanding novel called "Echo". Wow. Stunning and quite unexpected.
YA books are usually quick, easy reads, there's an element of nostalgia, of reliving my teens vicariously through these characters - not that I'd have liked to have spent my teens doing hard drugs and sleeping with rock stars (but then again.....what the hell am I saying!?) as in many of Block's books.
Item of note: in Block's publicity photo on the back of one of her books, she looks exactly like Kate Bush. Weird. | | |
| I think I am experiencing war-coverage overload. The tv, the radio, the newspaper, the internet. I just can't seem to get away, and it's making my head and my heart hurt. My head is spinning with thoughts tonight, as it has been for several days. Thoughts like these:
I am against this war in Iraq, and yet I am disappointed when anti-war protesters engage in violent demonstrations. We can not achieve peace by violent actions.
I despise George W. Bush, and yet I am embarassed when an advisor to the Canadian Prime Minister is caught referring to him as a "moron". Even though many, even some Americans themselves, agree.
I dislike much about American culture (so similar and still so different from my own), and yet I have had the pleasure to know dozens of thoughtful, intelligent, wonderful Americans whose friendships enrich my life. And I am ashamed when another Canadian politician says, on camera, that she hates Americans and refers to them as "bastards".
Tonight I am lighting a candle for peace and for tolerance and for friendship, and tomorrow I will write about something other than politics and war. | | |
| I heard about a worldwide candlelight vigil for peace that took place on Sunday. Unfortunately I heard about it on Monday or Tuesday. There was one in our town - I'd have liked to have gone. (It would have been J's first activist event - O came with me to a protest last spring when the government was refusing to licence new midwives in our province upon graduation. Well, I suppose J was there in utero!) But now the war has started; Bush and his cronies didn't listen to those who opposed this. Now Iraq and the rest of the world will live with the consequences.
Today is a dull, dark, rainy day. Seems like all I got accomplished was grocery shopping and a bath with the boys. Oh, and I made lemon cranberry muffins to take to our LLL meeting tonight. So actually not too bad I guess.
I've lots more I'd like to blog about here but haven't had the inclination to do so lately. This lack of world peace is gettin' me down.
| | |
|
